It always hurts when one losses a friend.  Even if that friend just decides to just walk away.  I thought I had found a friend that really understood me and had a like mind on many subjects.  I really thought the friendship had real potiental for growth and deep understanding.  But alas only after a few short weeks of sharing hopes and thoughts, and feelings it just suddenly stoped.  May be lack of communication on my part was part of it.  But who has time enough to sit at the computer 24 hours a day emailing when one has a job and other friends that need help.  One or two emails a day is what I was able to.  But that was not enough.  So the friendship ended but not by my doing.

Why should I even try to keep making friends when I either do too much and scre them away or I seem to do too little and they get bored with my friendship and just walk away.  Why should I bother anymore.  Why should I even make an effort to meet new people.

The same with my family. why should I try so hard to have relationships with my family when they do not share the same feelings or caring that I do for them.  It would be better if I just stop and stay a hermitletting no one in at all. Being alone is just the way my life is and always will be so why try soo DAMN hard to change it.  When that change can never happen.

Geez take a breath. We have all been where you are, your not the first to feel this and your not alone. It hurts, yes it hurts like hell... but its not worth giving up over. Stop putting such expectations on yourself, they are so high you are sure to fail! Just relax let things move as they are meant to. The universe unfolds in its own time and there is nothing we can do to rush it. ENJOY where you are now, enjoy your life, be happy you understand why you are here (many are still looking) Learn to believe in the universes power and plan if you cant believe in yourself.